OPEN

[underniman]

ᴛᴇxᴛs | ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs | sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀs | ᴇᴛᴄ

Comments

[ophthalmic]

Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

[underniman]

That's why God invented the Microwave Olympics, my friend.

[ophthalmic]

The what?
Ugh. I just want cheat steamed broccoli is this too much to ask.

[underniman]

The Microwave Olympics.

[ophthalmic]

Yeah, you can't expect me to do that shit. I haven't even taken yesterday's makeup off.

i decided he wouldn't bother with real sentences

[underniman]

jfc that's so bad for your skin?? don't be 40 before you're even 30.

Ahaha

[ophthalmic]

Eh. I eat right and drink water. Besides thats what more makeup is for.

[underniman]

you're lucky i'm not my mom

she'd be sneaking into your house with cold cream right now

anyway. did you really just text me out of microwave minutes desperation?

[ophthalmic]

Oh my god. You'd sneak into my house to worry about my skincare regime? Wow. My life has hit a new low.

Pretty much. Yeah. Am I not allowed to?

[underniman]

not me, i'm a busy guy. maren would do it though, no problem.

you are 200% allowed. you can keep me company while i edit ten hours of nothing happening. such a glamorous life i lead.

[undersecan]

were you using the camera for shit other than work again?

[ophthalmic]

Thanks. Flattered.

I can live text you doing my skin regime. I have a mask I can do.

Ten hours of nothing, sounds great... not boring at all. Are you really going to pretend my texts aren't the highlight right now?

[underniman]

you mean my camera? that i bought? with money earned by my blood sweat and tears? that camera?

idk

why?

[undersecan]

that camera, yeah. the one camera we have. the camera.

the file names and numbers don't line up so i've come to the obvious conclusion that you had to delete stuff.

[underniman]

wow, could you try making that sound even creepier? "and what did you do with the children's heads after you were done with your demon summoning and deleting stuff, jackie?"

you can unclench, apple blossom, maren just asked me to film a reading she did. i guess she's demoing at yet another conference next month.

[undersecan]

see, with that text as evidence, i think i can justify that your mind wanders to some weird places when left unattended and bored. and what tends to follow? shit. just the general shit.

but maren gets a free pass.
buy her something nice for her trip, i could have turned you in for tampering.

[underniman]

there is an actualfax conga line going on in the next room, peach pie. i only wish i could be bored.

[underniman]

your choices are unbore me or call a cop i guess.

poor you ;;

[undersecan]

i'm sure there's a cop around here that could use something to do.
i'm gonna have to put you on hold, hang on.

[ ... yes he's aware this is text and not a call, just go with it. ]

[underniman]

oh okay i'll just pretend i'm listening to hold music

you lunatic

[undersecan]

[ five full minutes later... ]

the cops must actually be busy today but i got the secretary, had a nice chat
sorry, were you saying something about unboring you?

i love them so so much

[ophthalmic]

Makeup's removed, all is well in the world.

Conga? And I wasn't invited. I'm offended. I'm going to cry into this face mask.

Tasteful nudes incoming.

[ She texts over an image akin to this, taken from a full body mirror, but cut off near her ribs instead. They used to take baths together, and he's probably seen her in her knickers a thousand times. ]

I bet I could scare any ghosts you find.

ME. TOO.

[underniman]

[ yes, and don't think maren doesn't delight in showing pictures of those baths to as many people as possible. they're probably on her fucking ...witchbook, or whatever. the point is that jackie is indeed unfazed by all this scandalous bare skin; considering how incredibly queer he is, their physical relationship probably exhibits such an apparent lack of boundaries it terrifies strangers on public transit. ]

could you? please? i could use the time off. "oh shit there are no ghosts in bonaventure today, looks like i'll have to spend the time crafting a muffuletta the size of my head."

re: the other thing, by the time you're done with your weepy face mask, the odds are real good it will have progressed to full on fruit hats. grab a bag of oranges and come on over.

[ is it like four in the morning. is everyone in jackie's apartment still up.



y. ]

[underniman]

mmm. you tell me.

[ danger, will robinson. how does jackie make his voice suddenly an octave lower in text?? witch powers, probably. ]

[undersecan]

[ stop that, jackie, it's not remotely fair. ]

you know it's not remotely fair when you do that.