OPEN

[underniman]

ᴛᴇxᴛs | ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs | sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀs | ᴇᴛᴄ

Comments

[ophthalmic]

Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

[underniman]

That's why God invented the Microwave Olympics, my friend.

[ophthalmic]

The what?
Ugh. I just want cheat steamed broccoli is this too much to ask.

[underniman]

The Microwave Olympics.

[ophthalmic]

Yeah, you can't expect me to do that shit. I haven't even taken yesterday's makeup off.

i decided he wouldn't bother with real sentences

[underniman]

jfc that's so bad for your skin?? don't be 40 before you're even 30.

Ahaha

[ophthalmic]

Eh. I eat right and drink water. Besides thats what more makeup is for.

[underniman]

you're lucky i'm not my mom

she'd be sneaking into your house with cold cream right now

anyway. did you really just text me out of microwave minutes desperation?

[ophthalmic]

Oh my god. You'd sneak into my house to worry about my skincare regime? Wow. My life has hit a new low.

Pretty much. Yeah. Am I not allowed to?

[underniman]

not me, i'm a busy guy. maren would do it though, no problem.

you are 200% allowed. you can keep me company while i edit ten hours of nothing happening. such a glamorous life i lead.

[undersecan]

were you using the camera for shit other than work again?

[underniman]

you mean my camera? that i bought? with money earned by my blood sweat and tears? that camera?

idk

why?

[undersecan]

that camera, yeah. the one camera we have. the camera.

the file names and numbers don't line up so i've come to the obvious conclusion that you had to delete stuff.

[underniman]

wow, could you try making that sound even creepier? "and what did you do with the children's heads after you were done with your demon summoning and deleting stuff, jackie?"

you can unclench, apple blossom, maren just asked me to film a reading she did. i guess she's demoing at yet another conference next month.

[undersecan]

see, with that text as evidence, i think i can justify that your mind wanders to some weird places when left unattended and bored. and what tends to follow? shit. just the general shit.

but maren gets a free pass.
buy her something nice for her trip, i could have turned you in for tampering.

[underniman]

your choices are unbore me or call a cop i guess.

poor you ;;

[undersecan]

i'm sure there's a cop around here that could use something to do.
i'm gonna have to put you on hold, hang on.

[ ... yes he's aware this is text and not a call, just go with it. ]

[underniman]

oh okay i'll just pretend i'm listening to hold music

you lunatic

[undersecan]

[ five full minutes later... ]

the cops must actually be busy today but i got the secretary, had a nice chat
sorry, were you saying something about unboring you?

[underniman]

mmm. you tell me.

[ danger, will robinson. how does jackie make his voice suddenly an octave lower in text?? witch powers, probably. ]

look you're getting another thread because i said so and i need it

[ophthalmic]

How do you properly say "hey, I'm sorry for almost tasing you when you tried to save me, also for cursing at you, and yelling." without like coming across like you want in someone's pants, when really you're also trying to say you wouldn't mind getting into their pants?

Asking for a friend.










The friend is me. I need to know.

i'm sorry

[ophthalmic]

Do you think a boob pic would work?


Is that too forward? Guys like that shit, right?

................................. i sincerely thought i had tagged this I AM A FAILURE

[underniman]

u hhhh

theres clearly a story here?? i need context before i can comment on boobs

[struck]

WHAT THE FUCK ST CLAIR I WASN'T DONE WITH THAT DEMON YET

[underniman]

don't leave ur toys out or someone will put them away.
esp. if they're fucking demons, u know